Your Communication Is Damaging!

Metaphor Story: How Your Words Do Leave A Scar
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There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. 

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. 

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. 

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." 

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."

​~ Anonymous

The Truth
Sticks and stones can hurt your bones... and names will too!

This month North America celebrates Thanksgiving.  It is in my awareness as I watch the flurry of people repurpose this occasion as a time to shop and get deals, rather than have it simply be a reminder that you have enough.

The truth I see from travelling across the country many times, is the epidemic of the use of damaging language towards others.  I've witnessed this from children to their parents, parents to their children and adults to adults and a whole bunch of times in the customer service industry. I've even seen people express damaging behaviour on the road from behind the wheel of their vehicle!   
You take no responsibility for the words you are spraying from your upset at others. You are conscious-less in how your words are affecting those near you.  Including those closest to you. like family, friends and colleagues.

You think saying sorry is enough?!

How many of you are so fatigued by the word "sorry'?
I am!

The Problem
You are losing credibility and integrity with yourself every time you spray your mindless words at people without presence or mindfulness and you don't even notice!

Now, since most people do it, it makes it ok, right!?
NO!
Wether people tell you they are affected by your words or not, We are!

How do I know this is a problem of huge proportions?

I work within business organizations with owners and their teams, I train families in the methods of communication and even in my own circle of personal friends and family I see crisis from lack of skilled communication.

Evidence
Evidence that you and others are mindless and damaging in communication exists in these ways

• You talk over others, others talk over you, leaves people feeling dismissed
• You're in a big hurry to say what you "think" you need to say, leaving people feeling unimportant and not worth your time
• You feel your words are so important and most likely not even asked for, Unsolicited advice is one of the least received communication tactics
• You react in high emotion rather than mindfully respond, never getting a chance to invite understanding, leaving upset left unsolved
• the person you are communicating too is on the 'defence or you are, creating a complete shut down of compassion. sharing and understanding
• there has been no drop in the populations depression stats, leaving me to believe people feel hopeless and out of community with people
• youth struggle to form trusting, dependable relationships with their parents and families, indicated by the number of parents expressing struggling with their teenagers (we have accepted this as a 'stage", when in fact it's due to a skilled communication deficit

You are creating scars from your words all around you and wether you want to own it or not, your communication, most of the time, is damaging!
The evidence is more than just name calling.  It's also in your communication behaviours like;

•  ignoring
•  negative facial expressions like rolling eyes
•  walking away
• physical abuse

The list is a very long and depressing one....truly!

"I wish she would leave me the f*@k alone."

The Fix

Here's a place to start.  

1. Take Responsibility Now! :  You own your own behaviours and words, 
2. Know Yourself!: Its the beginning of all wisdom and shifts in your life.  Start investing in your personal development.  If you spent annually on courses for your own personality growth that you do on your daily habits...what opportunities and relationships open up for you?
3. Learn Communication Skills:  Not only is this for the benefit of others around you, it's for your own sense of self worth.  When you learn how to get present, listen, engage, express, share, support, have compassion, inspire and connect with those around you, life happens because people want to share those elements with you.
4. Practice makes life and relationships better:  This is not a walk in the park.  If it was, everyone would have healthy communication skills and relationships.  It takes practice.  Find a mentor or coach who will stick with you through the baby steps and don't give up!
5. Be A Leader:  When you become more knowledgable about yourself and comfortable with your awareness and responses, the way in which you relate to others so successfully will have you seen as a leader in this area.  
6. The Student Becomes The Master:  It is a true evolution in your success of skilled communication that you will want to teach others.   

In Closing

Be it Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter an Anniversary or any holiday that gets you stressed out and overextended in your personality,  be the change that is needed in this world of mindless communication and take on your own personal development in this area.
Now that's something for everyone around you to be thankful for! 

till next time, live with passion and be playful.

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