And it's NOT Italian, Spanish, French or Portuguese!
Though I do love learning and listening to these languages.
February is known in some countries as The Month of Love!
OK!? I'll bite.
But why does it have to be such an outward, exterior focus on Love.
Near to the WIIFM (whats in it for me?) behaviour.
How will he/she show her love for me in relation to some material item or act?
When in fact the world needs a population of people that know how themselves, know how to love themselves and know how to fully express and receive love.
The True Meaning of Valentines Day
First off, here's the link to wikipedia's long and through discussion about it
Now, here's my short notes on it.
This all started in the name of Saints, way back in AD496. There was no gift, card or confectionary exchange "as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart"
until the 18th century England, and for those who don't follow historic timelines that is the 1700's.
Notice how the definition and tradition has completely shifted. To me it feels much how Christmas is today. Less about celebrating Saints that have passed and religious aspects of the day and more about how much debt we can go into to look and show up with gifts that are more creative, more expensive than our neighbours, colleagues,friends or family.
..Off my horse I get...
The real point here is that the language of love needs to be spoken to ourselves first.
Not only can we not hear others expression of love towards us or receive other peoples expression of love to us, we are disingenuous towards others without being capable of loving ourselves.
Cliche? Perhaps. And it doesn't make it any less truthful.
How many times a day do you hear someone give themselves some negative messaging? Or talk harshly to yourself?
I know! You really do love them
It really feels like you love them...as far as what you know love to be.
Notice that feelings only run so deep until they show their humanness, then you pounce, or step far back or whatever behaviour you exhibit when the fun loving, happy go lucky times disappear and the human you love so much starts behaving like you don't want.
True love of yourself and the ability to understand your own humanness allows you to open your heart to give and receive love like you have yet to do fully. Till now, my bet is, its been "conditional love", which is a whole other discussion.
Loving yourself takes work, just like loving others takes work.
Are you getting the connection here yet?
Living The Language of Love
To start learning any language, you need to start with the basics.
The basics to the language of self love are;
1.) Awareness: Notice how you talk poorly to yourself regularly, notice the lack of love in those messages
2.) A Clear Vision of Self: Take the time and make the necessary investments in your self care to create a clear vision of what loving yourself looks like. Research and ask for help if you have no idea and would like help along the way
3.) Practice & Support: This is not an overnight success kind of thing. You've spent all these years learning how to remove love from yourself. Convincing yourself that you can find love in others to make you all better....this will take practice, commitment and support.
Words That Exist in the Language of Love
You will know when you are not speaking to yourself or others in the positive self expressed way, that love is not flowing.
When you are hard, negative, perfectionist, controlling and constantly let down. You are deep outside of love's language.
Loving yourself takes mindful, careful use of positive, empowering and care taking language. It requires us to slow down our thoughts and replace old habit message patterns.
I was once told, "if you wouldn't say it to your best friend then why are you saying it to yourself?"
What to Expect While Learning This New Language
The journey to self love and self care is what you design and look for it to be.
You can call it hard. I call it fun. You can call it messy. I call it adventurous. You can call it forever. I call it my life.
As you can see. Your vision of yourself is created first by the language you speak to yourself and then includes the environments in which you put your being into.
I invite you for the month of February to take schedule learning this language in your calendar and take stock of the language you speak to yourself, the words you use in your head to yourself. Make the UGLY list. Really get clear on just how poorly you treat your own self. No wonder you look to others for relief and love. Creating a vicious cycle of never feeling fulfilled and disappointed.
You can make it all stop for good! You can create the love you've wanted to feel all along!
I encourage you to take on these 3 basic steps to start shifting how love shows up in yourself and your life.
And remember, nothing changes unless you bring forth the change.
Spend February learning about yourself and living with passion and playfulness!
A Business Relationship Trainer, Virtual Team Coach & Facilitator who loves all things related to business strategy, growth and innovation through the power of people in relationship.